The guard had come for me, and my fate was in wait

For whom would beget my soul I did not know. As my cell room door began to inch open, most would welcome this “freedom’s gate”; however for me there was immunity inside that small box that did not exist for me outside those walls. 

The spiritual battle was not yielding out of my trepedation, in fact it was feeding off of it. I had God saying, “do you trust me Lisa”? And at the same time, Satan fueling my anxieties with memory of what landed me in jail in the first place. I had no where to run, or hide. I had been running so hard, and fast. I was heavy laden. A soldier bogged down with ammunition, in my flight for my life. With no rest between, my only hydration point was for the large consumption of alcohol. Hoping it would snatch me from reality as the absorption began. I drank as hard and fast as I ran. Because both for me were a diversion from the ailments of my incarcerated soul. Ironically I was already imprisoned long before the day I was booked. Bitter, envious, self centered, manipulative, hypocrtical, and angry very angry. These were just some of the charges on my life. So even with my release imminent, my love affair with alcohol had me with a life long sentence. The consequences were of life or death. The choosing had always been up to me. 

I stood there in watch as the door opened, and fear resonated my whole being. “Oh wait Lord”? “I can feel you”.  Her voice so warm, and inviting, “Lisa Ortize(my married name), it is time for you to go before the judge”. This very large black woman, with a smile from ear to ear, had come for me. She was a gaurd, and she wore the gun in holster on her hip. To me she looked like an angel, and I found safety stepping out with her. My bunkmate slept away non the different. We all lined up single file, no words spoken. She gave instruction on what was about to happen. All the while in my three times bigger than me blue jumpsuit, my head never looked up. Tears began to well, and soak my face in disgrace. How did I become what I was in that moment. It was not a question, a mere statment of shame from within. 

God always had the upper hand, he always had a hedge of protection over me. I just chose to disregard His claim on my life. He extended me multiple life lines, as I once walked so intimately hand in hand with Him. He had not left or forsaken me. I spat in His face, and He still lifted my chin to be enveloped in His light. His grace was being made abundantly clear, as we walked to the room that sat our judge. The judge that held our fate. 

We had to go in one at a time, I was last in line. I assumed it was because I did not come from the general populous holding cells. As it was my turn to enter, the guard softly grabbed my hand. Impeding for a moment with these words, “oh honey you don’t belong here”. My eyes pooled with tears, as I was so taken back by her gentle demeanor. She placed her hand over mine, and not knowing a single thing of me she began to pray aloud. She prayed for my safety, for the judge to find favor, she prayed for my broken spirit to be lifted. She prayed for whatever was to come upon my release. She saw what no one had seen in me, and she prayed that God would enter with me in the room. She prayed that he would sit with me, and give me a peace that surpassed all understanding in the moment of my disgrace. 

As she ended her prayer she placed her hand on my back with a gentle embrace, and opened the door for me. Stating, “God has you child”. 

I walked slowly into a room filled with other inmates. With one empty seat waiting on me to begin. I turned with one last glance at the woman whom seemed like a dear friend. She peered through the glass, and nodded her head. As she turned to leave the light that came from her was more tranquil than any of my findings from that in the bottle. 

So I sat facing my judge, and I knew God was with me. I was sober, of clear mind, and so at peace. For I was with Jesus, I was at His feet. 

Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And all peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Word Prompt:Knackered

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Blanket White…

Word Prompt:Blanket

Holy Snow, as I peered through the windows condenstaion the streets grew white by the minute. Old man winter was anything but kind this year. There were no longer markings on the roads, or curbs in sight. Yards once brownish green filled up fast, and cars began to be wrapped in white. For all night long the sky unleashed what was now our winter. 

Don’t get me wrong it was an elegant sight. The reflection of the flakes, shown in the street light. All different shapes, and sizes for all to delight. This was no delicate drifting just passing through, we were plummeted hard. The heavens showed no mercy they dumped with great force. A blanket maybe, more like a heavy quilted throw. For winter was making a triumphant show. 

Winter gloves, coats, beenies, and boots alike went vacant from all the department stores shelves, it did not matter the price. For it was darn cold out there. The grocery stores could barely replenish its Hot Cocoa, and Spiced Apple Ciders, for we are creature of comfort. 

Just as soon as we saw reprieve another dumping fell yet again on our already snowglobed city. We no longer had need for our daily exercise as shoveling became a necessity to even enter our homes. The berms we piled stood taller than I stand at 5’2″ tall. We no longer had a place to toss the snow. 

We lived in a ghost town, school closures(snow days), stores closed.The city was camoflouged as pails from the sky kept splashing us in white. White, white, white…with no end in sight. blanket white. 

The beautiful city of Cheney Wa. county Spokane Wa. In the scenic, mountain terrain, of the Pacific Norhtwest. A trail for biking, hiking, camping, fishing, and outdoor adventure awaits any passer by…

Riveted by my existence in this dotcom world

Word Prompt: Roots

Am I the only one, no I can’t be the ONLY one? We all have a passion for writitng. We all have a nagging inside us that tells when, and what to write. I have seen all the bio’s we are all writers in our own right. We all take snipets from what ever gives us vision, and begin to shape it into our newest work, and publish it upon it being perfectly polished. I liken it to the crazed scientists raising their hands with fury when their calculations are spot on.

I have found myself stuck inside a dotcom world as of recent. I have found my mind some what held captive through out my days, when I should be about other things. All the while words are popping in my head, new ideas for my next write. Maybe it is just because I am new here? No it can’t be just me?

Cemented right here, right where I type this momemt. Even at night I find myself squirming about my bed, resituating my pillow, all the while with great intrigue of what the mornings daily post word prompt will be. Charged off my own imagination, and all the others. Crap, I can’t sleep. Words are invading my mind, tramping about, as my husband lays at my side fast asleep.

A restless night of swooning over my new found dotcom. My puppy wakes me in a must pee NOW fashion. Coffee in hand, words swirling about my head. Not a bad marker for the beginning of my day. It is like a monsoon is making its way into my head. A torrential downpour of words, ideas, musts, brewing with intestity, much different from one of my Epileptic auras(words are rare and ideas stray for sometimes hours/days). No this is greater, much greater. Maybe it is in the purpose I find inside here.

Anyways it is greater(why do I feel  the need to explain great), and so I find myself this very moment after scrolling with fervent anticipation of what the Daily Posts word prompt of the day is. Ahha, got it. “Roots“. The word for today is “Roots“…Yes!!

Now I can sit with coffee in hand, and puppy well released, and fed mulling over ideas for this word, “Roots“.

Because I am Rooted in a dotcom world.

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My Roots are here in this dotcom world. Watch me grow…

Photo credit Lisa Ralph; taken in Orlando Florida, Arnold Palmer Golf Course

From my minds eye

Word Prompt: Gray

I asked the dreaded question to the gal cutting, and coloring my hair. It was a such a “girly” question too. I bit down on my lip a little out of anxious curioisty waiting for her answer,”how gray am I, like can you give me a percentage of how gray my hair is”? You know the old saying, “curiosity killed the cat”. The vanity in the question, caught even me by surprise. I mean come on I was 40 something. What was I expecting her to say, “you have zero percent gray“. As one of my silver hairs caught the light, and tracked the line of my hair from root to end just that morning. That old song by, Carly Simon was looping my mind. You know it well, “You’re So Vain”. Okay yes I was so vain, and there was no probably this was about me! She looked at me, as her fingers ran about my head. Seperating pieces, finally “ummm I would say you are 18 percent gray. What the….you have got to me kidding me. 

When I looked in the mirror my minds eye saw all the years the locusts had ate away, and boy I saw gray. Gray in my hair, a whole slew of it. 18 percent gray who was she kidding, she was just being nice. Psh!

When I looked in the mirror my minds eye saw gray in the fine wrinkles around my eyes, oh yeah and those ones woman get just above the lip line. That if they wear there lipstick poorly, it bleeds into them making them all the more prounounced. 

When I looked in the mirror from my minds eye I saw gray in the weary traveler that was me. Standing there with my reflection, and the long gray journey my life had taken. My body had taken quite a punch. Can you imagine what a gal like me should reflect blowing a .24 at 108 pounds. That is 3 times the legal limit. This was a daily regemine for me too(quite the beauty guru ay). My liver was obviously gray, well probably black. 

From my minds eye I was all gray. There was no other color I resembled. From head to toe, from heart to soul, Gray. When I think of gray I think of pitiful. I was slathered in gray could I ever have a color? 

From my minds eye I saw gray as I had not learned sober yet. I was gray with chaotic indifferance. I was gray, my marriage was gray, my relationships with my children were gray. My pours were gray, and smelled as if death had found me. God to me at this time, was so gray. Did he even know my gray?

God did indeed know my gray. He viewed me nothing of what I did from my minds eye. In fact he was gracious to me, and he restored the years the locusts had ate away. Not to toot my own horn(well sorta) many a people have said I look great, and even young for the life I have lived. I do have a color, and actually many colors reside from head to toe, and heart to soul. 

With God I slayed the gray, and as a token of my obedience to Him I am made into a masterpiece of colors. Vibrant, colors only adding to my youthful 40 something self.

When I look into the mirror today from my minds eye,  gray…nah! Only when the color from my hair has faded, and I know it time to color it again. I am not going gray yet…

I am only 40 something come on…


“I don’t know “zip” about you”?

Word Prompt:Zip

I don’t know “zip” about you? “You”? “You are my mom who just staggered in from work teetering to make her way through the house unnoticed, while leaving her stink of shameful inebriation with every faltered step”?

I don’t know “zip” about you? “You”? “You are my employee whos absence to the bathroom is cause for concern when upon return your words are slurred, and blunders are too many to count”?

I don’t know “zip” about you? “You”? “You are my friend I ask have you been drinking, and you might as well be holding the evidence in hand because there is no hiding your stupidity, yet you look me straight in the eyes, and say no. As your breath is so offensive”?

I don’t know “zip” about you? You? “You are my wife who seems sweet, and gentle in spirit yet turns into a savage with spite in her eyes, ready to devour me for the wounds I have caused?”

I don’t know “zip” about you? You? You are the pretty girl trying to fake it, while you think your so stealthy. Obviously transparent, as drunk is drunk. Guzzling booze you hide all around, and acting out with a child like innocence? You? Oh me? Yep, I didn’t know “zip” about me.

I know “zip” about you. “You”. “You are the girl that prayed a prayer of saving grace. You are the girl who sought my face. You are the girl who rests at the foot of the cross, for you my daughter are no longer lost. You are the girl who has nothing to hide. For with you, I your Lord reside. You and I hand in hand, walk daily this life. You are the girl who died to herself, and was given a new life in me. You were so worth saving!!

“For I know you, and you are mine”. No “zips”, I mean ifs, ands, or butts about it…

Ephesians 2:4-5 

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when were dead in transgressions-it is by grace we have been saved. 

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As beautiful as the sun glistening across the waterfalls “YOU” are to me. I know “YOU”!!

Photo Credit: Lisa Ralph, Hog Creek Canyon Trail Head/Waterfalls Tyler, WA. 

 

The good, and bad of AVID…daily prompts

Zealous would be an understatement when it came to me and alcohol. Like the Lay’s pototoe chip commercial, “betcha can’t eat just one”. Boy was that right with me and alcohol, you betcha I could not have just one. 1,2,3,4 sips, that lead to 4 bottles later, what were we talking about? Kidding! I was zealous, can’t say I was zealous about all things in life. Zealous is good right?

Devoted to my days with alcohol, as a loving wife is devoted to meeting the needs of her one and only. I gave it my all, for I was devoted“Hopelessly devoted to ____”? Devotion can only grow you right? 

Ambition took over, and I was stout about retrieving drunk. For what joy was there in sober. Ambition now that is great, it gets you far! Success is derived of ambition right?

Zealous, Devoted, Ambition, all makings of significant attributes of a leader or even more. What impeccable character I had, carrying these distinctions about.

All in all grand was the scope in my vision. But once I became too much of all of these I became, pushy, selfish, a mersonary, greed struck, and anything but successful.

For I was an AVID alcolohic. Try to raise to fame with that as your one trait.

Now let me do a 180, as I did. Let me be zealous, devoted, and show honorable ambition towards my Lord, now there is where I find a record long list of these awe-inspiring hallmarks within me.

Gallations 2:20

I have been crucified by with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

I am now an AVID believer in the Lord, and he saved me from the treacherous bondage of alcohol. He gave me new life, and I am the greatest success story of all things good in AVID.

Word Prompt: Avid