Delta Flight, and the woe was me passenger… 

Almost 4 years ago. July 13, 2013 me a weary traveler, making my way for the airport. Early A.M. Delta airlines flight MCO (Orlando) to GEG (Spokane). I was all out of sorts. Not a single spark of even a flicker remained. Snickering at the fact that I was 40, and having to figure  out this thing called life again. My face puffy, and wet from the endless tears that I could not evade

I managed to obtain alcohol somehow, and was very drunk upon boarding. I could barely function, wreaking of my anesthetic.The scent almost unbearable for even me. My body shaky, and feeble. My heart was frozen. I felt as if I was dead inside. I could not see the church steeple the shutters were blocking my vision. Having to leave my family behind 

I was a passenger on this Delta flight who felt like I was taken prisoner, and forced to leave at gun point. There was not enough alcohol to even touch this pain. So deep, a dark cloud loomed right over my seat. My joints ached, as my skin absorbed the alcohol to no end. I had to be one of the most unhappy people on the planet. Miserable beyond belief. Grief struck 

It was all I could do to hold it all together. I could have easily seen myself making national headlines. “Drunk woman on Delta Flight, unconsoleable loses all control. Ground control was called by pilots, and they had to land plane. She is now under police custody, with Psychiatrists looking into her mental state”..Marvelous! 

Two layovers, so as the alcohol wore off I found myself upon a bar stool getting licked. I was very sick, and needed help. My soul was yelping, but the alcohol muffled my cries. It could only be seen in my eyes. It was my heart that was taken hostage, and I was bent with what I felt justification. Whispers from the dark, “drink, and drink some more steep into your core feel the continual drip inside of you!” “You need this to make it through.” 

Burning with anger. Hating my life, no longer a wife, and no longer mom, mums, or mommy. God was furthest from my mind. Blocked by rage, ready to implode. I had no sense of a spiritual connection. Dejected from life. The further the distance the more bleak it got in that seat, as a passenger on that Delta flight 

3,200 miles away upon landing. Alone! I could barely stand upon departure. I looked as if I had been badly beaten. Drunk, and lost. Walking the corridor of emptiness 

If I remember right my mom was there to greet me. I am not sure her heart could bare what she saw walking towards her. Unrecognizable me her own daughter. Comatose, just a shell. Swallowed by my own hell. No words would come out. Just whimpers. My heart was buried deep in caverness state, saturated with waste. The Lord I could not taste or see, only me, me, me. Woe was me!

Psalm 69:3 

I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.

Word Prompt: Passenger

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Published by

Lisa Ralph, Cries from an unkempt garden

I write to tell my story of how I overcame self affliction, and great despair in this life. For I write to share the death to self that took place. That I may Glorify God in all I do. May my writings be a refelction of freedom, for I am no longer in captivity of self. May they be warm, and inviting. For I write because God has given me words that drip from my mouth to be seen.

18 thoughts on “Delta Flight, and the woe was me passenger… ”

    1. That is why I write. My life is not of an unkempt heart today. I fully surrendered it back to God again. Sober 4 years next month on August 6th. I would not trade a single tear shed, or pain for where I sit today. Marverling at His grace!! God can do a lot in 4 years if we allow Him ❤. Just part of the retelling of my story, that needs shared from there to here. Life is Aweosme!! ☝🌞

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  1. My heart bleeds for the Lisa that WAS … my heart celebrates for the Lisa that IS !! You have come along way … it helps to read some of the beginnings of the story … it is hard to write, I am sure … but I hope it validates for you how FAR you are from that broken young woman. Bless you and to God be the Glory … He took you where you WERE and brought you to NOW. Praises to Him … you are now inspiring others. jan

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    1. I have been told to write it all, yes sometimes I cry after a write. These recently are the hard ones. Jail was hard, but what came after was hardest. I am to tell all of it. So God can get all the Glory for who I am today. For I am not the same, and even though I have never been asked to forgive my ex for breaking our marriage vows several times over. I forgive him. I pray he can forgive himself and be set free from his alcoholic bondage. Life is hard, and we persevere to the prize. I am pressing on in all regards striving towards God in all I do. Reminded daily of who I was, and how far I have come. Grace I give, because I grace I received! We serve such an loving God!! I am grateful for all the pain for I would not be who I am today. Have a super weekend Jan❤

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  2. Writing is the best therapy. I’m glad you could write it out piece by piece. When I went through three years of counseling, the first year was emotional and intense. By the third time I told the story, it was like telling someone else’s story. At the same time, I saw a way out, so I didn’t feel trapped!

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    1. It is awesome therapy. I often can’t believe it is mine I am writing. It feels almost like a dream, yet the hurt is so real. Surreal I guess. My son turns 19 next Saturday. We got him a commuter bike to ride around town, and Beat headphones. I am so excited to get to be a part in it. We will be taking him to dinner as well. My mom will join us. I am so grateful he is here. His achieving is all up hill. He has to work harder than most kids his age. Lacking education, and a license even. He works full time. He hopes to have his GED done by Fall quarter to start community college. I am blessed to have a kid with stength such as his. He has endured so much!!! He is amazing❤

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      1. God is giving you confirmation after confirmation. That’s wonderful! God never let the devil strips me, alway leave one string to hang on to until I get out of the wood. I’m grateful for God’s grace and mercy that He always give me a sense that this is another trial and that He didn’t leave me!

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    1. I was so close to God for all my life up until the news that broke my heart into a million pieces. We always trusted God so for it to come to a tragic end was hard. I was willing to seek biblical counsel for my exhusbands multiple betrayals. He saw no need. He did or still does not see his failing. He is not the same man I married. I handled it all wrong. Had I only been stronger, and grabbed onto God. It is all good 21 years with him. We grew up in his dad’s church together. So I just never thought this could or would be my life. Married to a PK. We were going strong, and then things changed drastically. All for the better in Him☝🌸🌞

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      1. I understand too well how betrayal within those sacred walls can tragically effect lives. I am the child of one who wore a title and left a wife and children for another and never saw the wrong in his actions. I’m sorry it touched your life as well. You cannot choose for someone else. Nevertheless, God can shine in the face of these things and bring about good. I think He is shining brightly in your writing! 😄

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      2. I am sorry you had to endure that. Mine did not leave me for another. When God brought it my attention. He cried, saying he had major issues of the heart. Saying he knew if he were to tell me it would be over. Well I chose to forgive. Although I found myself second guessing every thing yet for good reason. It continued with multiple women. I just wanted him to talk to anyone else but me. A Christian man, or mentor. He was very manipulative and saw no wrong at this doing again. It was like he was lost. I could bare no more his failing. So it all fell a part. It is a sad story for sure. He is still living a life such as this. Young girls my son says. It is gross behavior.

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