Almost 4 years ago. July 13, 2013 me a weary traveler, making my way for the airport. Early A.M. Delta airlines flight MCO (Orlando) to GEG (Spokane). I was all out of sorts. Not a single spark of even a flicker remained. Snickering at the fact that I was 40, and having to figure out this thing called life again. My face puffy, and wet from the endless tears that I could not evade
I managed to obtain alcohol somehow, and was very drunk upon boarding. I could barely function, wreaking of my anesthetic.The scent almost unbearable for even me. My body shaky, and feeble. My heart was frozen. I felt as if I was dead inside. I could not see the church steeple the shutters were blocking my vision. Having to leave my family behind
I was a passenger on this Delta flight who felt like I was taken prisoner, and forced to leave at gun point. There was not enough alcohol to even touch this pain. So deep, a dark cloud loomed right over my seat. My joints ached, as my skin absorbed the alcohol to no end. I had to be one of the most unhappy people on the planet. Miserable beyond belief. Grief struck
It was all I could do to hold it all together. I could have easily seen myself making national headlines. “Drunk woman on Delta Flight, unconsoleable loses all control. Ground control was called by pilots, and they had to land plane. She is now under police custody, with Psychiatrists looking into her mental state”..Marvelous!
Two layovers, so as the alcohol wore off I found myself upon a bar stool getting licked. I was very sick, and needed help. My soul was yelping, but the alcohol muffled my cries. It could only be seen in my eyes. It was my heart that was taken hostage, and I was bent with what I felt justification. Whispers from the dark, “drink, and drink some more steep into your core feel the continual drip inside of you!” “You need this to make it through.”
Burning with anger. Hating my life, no longer a wife, and no longer mom, mums, or mommy. God was furthest from my mind. Blocked by rage, ready to implode. I had no sense of a spiritual connection. Dejected from life. The further the distance the more bleak it got in that seat, as a passenger on that Delta flight
3,200 miles away upon landing. Alone! I could barely stand upon departure. I looked as if I had been badly beaten. Drunk, and lost. Walking the corridor of emptiness
If I remember right my mom was there to greet me. I am not sure her heart could bare what she saw walking towards her. Unrecognizable me her own daughter. Comatose, just a shell. Swallowed by my own hell. No words would come out. Just whimpers. My heart was buried deep in caverness state, saturated with waste. The Lord I could not taste or see, only me, me, me. Woe was me!
I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.