The day it rained forever hard on my life, I reined it in, and God was asked to reign again…

Rain assulated my soul. My body was brewing with gale force winds, that only the Lord could rein in. With clinched fists, and hefty heart, I was broken. My spirit was crushed, and my life lay shattered in tiny pieces too many to pick up upon the floor, wrenched to my very core

Mist brewed in my eyes the day I had to go knock on my own door with a police escort to retrieve my belongings. How had it come to this? Were we past salvage, was the wreckage too great, where was my lifeboat? I did not even have the strength to swim   

The storm inside my body was unquenchable, and relentless. I could feel anger taking over, and that would have done me no good. I had clinched fists, and my blood was boiling. I felt as if I wanted to punch something. I had to get myself together, regain composure and order. I could not allow my then husband to see he had the upper hand on me. He fed off of my vulernerability. He longed to see me frail. I would not even let on the giant sized hail pelting at me, and making me pained 

The Police officer explained to me on these situations, I would just be allowed to get what I need. My essentials. It needed to be done fast, and he was there to keep the peace. My eyes filled with tears, as it all just seemed so surreal. My kids were behind that door. The last time they had seem me I was being hauled off in a Police car. Who knew what lies had been whispered in their ears. I just knew the moment we knocked on the door for entry into my home was going to be one of the most forleorn feelings yet. The storm had just begun to set 

A group of men from my church escorted me there, hoping their presence might help. They prayed with me while we waited for the Police officers arrival 

My body was shaky, and feet wobbly. I had not got great sleep in days. I just knew this was next in step with the end of what was my life as I had known it

The police officer knocked on the door, and I stood by his side. Britt opened the door. He looked horrible. Dark bags under his eyes, and very scraggly. I was in shambles inside, but tried to wear a brave face when I saw my belongings packed up in the front entry way. The police officer chuckled well you got it kind of easy, it is all right there. Looks like more than your essentials. He procedeed to tell the gentlemen at the bottom of the stairs to be ready to help load my bags into the car. That was it my life of 18 years sat in. bags stacked up by the front door 

My heart began to flutter as I could see my sons face in the distance holding the dogs, my daughter was shuffling through the house as they were in exchange for what was our room for theirs. I wanted to run to my son, and never let go of him. Screaming for everyone to go away, and leave us be. None of this was making any sense

My bags were gathered much faster than I would have liked. Inside I was screaming, yelling, and kicking. Why does this have to be it, why is this the end?  How can he just stand there as if nothing is wrong as I looked at my husbands 6′ 3″ silhouette out of the corner of my eye. He never even flinched. He was so callous, and hard. He was brazen, and showed no remorse.

In minutes it was all packed up, and the police officer had other calls to attend to. I asked him as it was my sons 15th birthday in just 3 days if I could enter to hug my son, and be on my way. This all seemed so insane, as I crossed the ruins of chaotic mess all over the floors. My daughter now just walking past me as if I was ghost with a handful of clothes from her bedroom closet in hand. As I entered the room it became still. My sons eyes met with mine. His little heart broken for all the madness that surrounded. I wrapped my arms tightly around him. I told him how much I loved him. Tears poured from both of our eyes. He was a blubbering mess, I softly through his cries said a prayer. I prayed for all of us, and all that was taking place. I prayed that God would reign over this tragedy. For His will be done. I did not want to let go. Every part of the mom in me was seconds from losing all control. I had to say goodbye, and go. 

As I turned away what I did not know that was the last I would see of my kids for 2 years, our hearts were to suffer great blows 

So this was the day my life rained, I had to rein it in, and God now was given it ALL to reign over, and for His will to be done. 

A sad write yes, but this was also the day the Lord began drawing me back into Him. For I realized I could live without my husband, but the suffering of the loss of my kids was enough to do me in. God was pulling on my heart strings, bringing back to Him. Sometimes God allows the storm for us to cry out to Him for help. He was my lifeboat. He walks on water, and he allowed the heavy rain in my life so that I could call upon Him as my saver/saviour 

Lifehouse; Storm

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water’s getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I’d see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes

I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be all right
I know everything is all right

Everything’s all right
Yeah
Everything’s all right

Photo Credit me; Cheney Wa. A couple weeks ago right before a Spring storm. With it came much rain. It was a beautiful storm, and we very much were need of the rain. 

SOCS Prompt

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Published by

Lisa Ralph, Cries from an unkempt garden

I write to tell my story of how I overcame self affliction, and great despair in this life. For I write to share the death to self that took place. That I may Glorify God in all I do. May my writings be a refelction of freedom, for I am no longer in captivity of self. May they be warm, and inviting. For I write because God has given me words that drip from my mouth to be seen.

13 thoughts on “The day it rained forever hard on my life, I reined it in, and God was asked to reign again…”

  1. This moved me to tears at the end. Tears of sadness and empathy for the struggle. Tears of joy for who you have become and how God works miracles in our lives. I have a feeling the best is yet to come!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know the best is yet to come. God has given me great promises, and some are already being fullfilled. I have much hope for the greater outcome of all of this. Thank you JoAnna. They are hard to right. My husband now wants me to get back to my story. What got me to where I am today. That is part of my purpose for this blog is to tell my story. I kind of left it hanging. So I shall pick up again. God is bigger than any of this. Yes it hurt but he knew and knows all❤🙏☝

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Lisa this broke my heart to read. I had the same experience with my children and the unbearable pain of being separated from. I’m so grateful that God uses you and your pain to inspire others. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Made me tear up! This was a hard journey for you and for me your Mom! Thank you God for reigning Lisa in! My child who is a grown woman learning new life experiences everyday! Powerful!

    Liked by 1 person

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