Airliners, Insanity, and an alcoholics travesty, no more! 

No not in your pockets that will not do, words from the old. Flabbergassted this was me…A glimpse into my insanity

Airliner size bottles are easier to hide, they aide in clever. If you consider misdemeanors clever. I hid all sorts of alcohol just about everywhere I could think of, beer too

Airliners slip neatly into the bottom of a shoe, if you have a slew no one will be onto you. Boots are even better

They also go quite nicely between the the mattress and box spring, great for the picking once everyone has kicked it for the night

I had managed with certian outfits to conceal them on my person, like anyone is willing to do any lurking

I had a slit in my purse lining barely big enough for these tiny sized swigs to slip right downside of. They lay neatly concealed under my wallet, and the other have to’s. Not a single person ever knew

I hid them in the bathroom among my makeup mess, I must confess I spent a lot of time in the bathroom

Beer cans float well at the top of a toilet bowl, and who ever looks in there unless the flapper becomes an issue, Phew

Poolside was a place I liked to get licked. I hid them in one the community bathrooms under the sink. Way back in a corner, no one ever knew. Use the bathroom, pound one down. 5 left to go. Then blitzed

This was just the normal for me, I thought nothing of it. No big deal. Everything was secret, and hidden. I was a very driven alcoholic, it was always there. I was never without it

I can only imagine my poor liver soaking this in day in and day out. At 5’2″ 108 pounds then. I was drinking myself to death, and darn good at it too

As I write this it makes me sad that I was this deceiving, I believe I had really nobody fooled. I just sat and wallowed in petty resentments. In realtity I was fooling only myself

I filled up a plastic water bottle with a wine of choice thinking everybody would think it was some sort flavored fruit drink, I carried it with me as I shopped. It was always fully loaded and in tow. With me everywhere I would go

I took alcohol to work in a traveler mug, smuggling in booze is a great way to get you fired, it happened a couple times. Oh yes the day I got my D.U.I. Make it worse get fired, sob and despair. Sit in your car with drink after drink, then see how you drive. Right into a buff Increbile Hulk size police officers cuffs, and off to the county jail. $1,000 bail

I still for sometime never looked the part. Looks can be deceiving. That I was. Always dressed to impress, and well schooled. For a moment I could pass myself off as able. Then I would start the job get “my desk” and my booze would dribble from the table 

I was not able. Why do they call it a functioning alcoholic? Usually every one knows. What just because I could drink everybody under the table taking in copias amounts of alcohol without an ounce of sickness or headache  

I was not able. Just because I got up, and drove myself to work? Usually with a drink in the middle console easing my anxieties the whole route there. I just did not care, or did I? I was loosing myself 

I was lost in an alcoholic insanity. Using alcohol as a bandage for my conflicted heart. Albert Einstein said it best; Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  

So I became a professional at something yet, how proud where was my reward? Blue ribbon hangining or a trophy please, “Insanity Professor”. In less time then it takes to get an AA degree

It has been 3 years and just 2 days shy of 10 months since this has been my life. Wow!! 3 years and 10 months since I gave up alcohol in exchange for my life eternal. My life in Jesus!! I carry Him around everywhere I go. He is with me to guard my heart, he takes up permanent residence. I am fully armored against the evil of this world. I know all to well what it is to be of world. Now I am just in it. As it is written to be. God is my keeper, and has reigns on me. I was convicted greatly by my lack of self control. No more for that is a life that has been said good ridden to, and forgiven. 

Can you believe the madness I endured! How absurd! It almost seems harder to be alcoholic, with its trickery and hiding. Thank you Lord for now my abiding is in you!! 

Airliners are for travel to and from a city or county, travel mugs hold my morning coffee, and plastic water bottles are my most prized possesion as I drink a ton of water. I don’t touch a toilet bowl unless it is a must to be attended too. My purse is in tact. I keep my Eli-Pen in there, and most know it can be gone through. I show for work free without slurring my speech, and with that get to keep my job. 

Now here, for all this we can celebrate. Blue ribbon no need, eternal life is my now fated prize!! 

I exchanged insanity for sanity for a life eternal with Jesus! 
 

John 10:27-28

27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 

28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.

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Author: Lisa O'Day, Cries from an unkempt garden

I write to tell my story of how I overcame self affliction, and great despair in this life. For I write to share the death to self that took place. That I may Glorify God in all I do. May my writings be a refelction of freedom, for I am no longer in captivity of self. May they be warm, and inviting. For I write because God has given me words that drip from my mouth to be seen.

8 thoughts on “Airliners, Insanity, and an alcoholics travesty, no more! ”

    1. Well this was a hard write. New I am, but as closely as I did walk with Lord I before these perilous times I can not believe it is me sometimes I am writing about. It is not denial. I just can’t believe I strayed so far from the One who always had my best, and was always there for me. Hard hard write. Needed to get it out though. Thank you!! I really needed the lack of grace knocked into me. I think growing up in the church I thought I was above brokenness or falling. I was self righteous. Married into a pastors family. We were the one living the most ungodly lives of all. So God had to knock some sense into me. My favorite word is grace!! Without it where would we be. Praise God I came out of this alive!! With Him!!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You have such a wonderful testimony!! I enjoy your posts because you are so filled with faith. For me, I was struck by God’s love. My wife began the whole process because was the first to really love me, for me. So after that I was open to God loving me.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Such a brave lady! To bare all. It’s a whole other world, it saddens me to think of anyone in that situation. Iv never thought about all the ways in which a person will conceal their addiction. It only serves to prove what a huge mountain you have overcome ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That really just edged the surface. I was so lost. I hated moving from Washington to Florida. We made that trip 7 times with a 2 kids a car, a Uhaul of some sort, and usually one dog. I got so tired of going to a city where there was nothing for us. Originally it was for school. After that the reasons we went back were beyond me. We had no family there, few friends, it was super expensive, jobs were hard to find. Minimum wage is like the lowest in the nation there. I just dreaded that move. I saw myself become more introverted and depressed with each move. So were my kids. Still no reason to drink. When I became so bad was after I came to the realization our marriage vows were broken many times over. He never saw any wrong either. It was like it was okay. We were such a tragedy. He drank just as much or more. We were not who anyone thought us to be. We were a massive train getting ready to derail, and sure enough we did. He hates that I consider here home. This is where our families are. This where my son came back to as well. I think Florida is a cop out. Hideout because no one knows us there. Where here every where we go we are linked to his dad who pastors one of the largest churches in the whole city. We were known. Can’t live like that and have people know about it. See..we were a mess. My poor kids. God knows all of this, and is mending hearts already. So I trust that one day we will all say we survived this tragic loss. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I know this to be true. It was hard to write, yet had sat for a few days and needed published after fine tuning it. I write everything rather fast. It just comes, and that is that. Our lives were such a mess. I think I am in shock that two people who started out in the church who purposed for all good could go so wrong. Then I am reminded of how the sprititaul realm of this of this world is so real. It is just too bad one more family was taken down. Not without purpose. God will turn around and as always use it for good in all 4 our lives. Just hard waiting. Thank you for reading!!

      Liked by 1 person

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