I could not have been ROR’ed at a worse time on a Florida day. There was no quenching the midday heat from the sun.
I could most likely ring my clothes from all the sweat that was pouring from me like a nagging broken faucet. I felt like my feet were carrying weights, my clothes were so heavy from wet. I was heavy, and my heart was even more heavy.
How does one that claims to love do such a thing to another? I was left stranded, and barren with nothing to help my current state on my person.
I don’t know how much further it was to that shopping center. All my eyes saw was black hot asphalt a mirage in my stare. Anxiety was building inside wreaking havoc on every extremity it could. My fingers began to tingle, my heart felt as if it was going to pound out of my chest, and my feet felt slippery in my socks. I felt gross, and I was in desperate need of water. There was not enough moisture in my mouth to guide in my swallows.
My head began to fill with raging thoughts, of how anyone who loved me, could allow a 5’2″ 108 pound girl to be left for lost with squat in rescue of herself. My blood began to boil with rage, and the heat. My body was taking quite the assult. I was worried about the reputation of this city, and it was my own lack of tools that would be my demise.
What I did not know was as all of this was happening to me, my husband was already pushing me out of “our” home. It was the perfect set up for him to keep me at bay. I could not speak, and I had no say. My clothes had been gathered, and sat in a suitcase by our front door. My kids were moving their things from their room in trade for ours. How demented it all was looking back. I am sure my kids hearts were mangled as they rushed their room in pursuit of ours. They were just doing what they were asked to do, it was all so sad. 18 years, and a suitcase was all that was in wait at our door. It was reminiscent of “The Highlights” paperback activity book we had as kids, “what’s wrong with this picture”? In this case I would circle the whole picture, rip it out and tear it to shreds as this all seemed like a bad dream. Did anybody care?
I just kept on walking for it was all I knew to do. It was God that kept me standing, for I was so very faint. My gait was unsteady, shaking from heat stroke. Not to mention there was no nurture for the alcoholic me was without for 2 days now. Trembling the asphalt with each step, you bet I was fueled by disbelief. I was angry, resented, grief stricken, and I felt sick to my stomach. No alcohol to bandage my very raw wounds. They were oozing, and I was in jeapoary of infectious release upon my soul.
My head hung heavy, and I kept it down as a protectant from the sun in my eyes. My hair black at the time, my head sunburnt and hurt. I looked up after awhile, and there it was markers and signs “Gateway Plaza” if my recollection serves me right.
I found myself turning to the right, and my feet were in walk to the bus depot smack dab in the middle of the massive parking lot. I had no idea why, I had no bus fare. I could not pay for a trip, but that is where I was headed. Upon arriving I just stopped in stare. I stood there with tears rushing down my face. I did not wipe them, I was a mannequin. I was frozen, and some what delusional.
I was snapped out of my standing sleep by a man’s voice, asking if he could help me. Then that of another, a woman “Do you need help dear child?” In all the banter back and forth it came to my knowledge they were husband/wife bus drivers on lunch. This was their meet up time so they could share lunch together. They had a warmth about them that made them feel like life long friends. After explaining my troubles, I was handed as many cold waters as my purse could carry. They asked if they could feed me, I politely declined. I could not eat even with as hungry as I had become. My stomach was rot with worry, and unsettled. I was handed 3 bus passes explained the journey before me. This would all land we in Orlando to the house I needed to be at.
What was next should have been of no surprise to me, as God was never far from me. He was always in want for making His presence known, calling my heart back home.There at this hustling bus stop this man and his wife huddled around me, laid their hands upon my back; in prayer over me. Asking for the Lord’s provisions, and safety in my travel. Then as quickly as amen was said I was ushered upon a bus, and the door closed as I sat down. The bus made that loud air popping sound for we were now in motion Orlando bound. Me, silent and completely awe struck!! My anxieties we no more, they left with the shutting of the bus door.
“All authority has been given to Me..; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
The Christian heart…has been thoroughly persuaded that all things happen by God’s plan, and that nothing takes place by chance. ~John Calvin