Bitter Sweet; Mother’s Day

Just 3 months shy of 4 years sober. Mother’s Day is bitter sweet for me. I have one heart down, and one to go. For some it is days, weeks, months, or years. Apparently years for this one (tears)! Oh how I miss you sweet daughter! 

The message etched on my heart for my first born Brie Faith. If I could only heal all the pain I caused, and recover all your youth stolen. To say I am sorry, and ask for your fogiveness. I wish to start anew. I don’t know you anymore. For the Brie I so adored, what are all your favorites? It would be like making friends with a near stranger. I long, and pray for the day we will be brought to healing. Awkward family reunion. I just pray it is not after your wedding day, as I see through social media you have a boyfriend. All I do know of you is based around your Twitter. Sad reality I have here, as I have not seen you in some odd years. Likely you are bitter, and every right so.  

I miss your beautiful face, your goofy ways, and love for Tim Burton films. I can’t write much more today, as I am brought to my knees in tears for we lack so many a year. I love you sweet Brie Cheese…

My mind is a jungle as I sift through photos of you, and what was. We have not lost, not yet! For I will never forget. The truth which you have yet to know is for today I am sober!! 

So for now I hold on to my little Minnie Mouse, Luke Skywalker, Fair Princess, and your shining 20 year old self!! Love the dermal piercing, you are simply gorgeous! May God get all the glory for our story is still being written. I was smitten the day you were concieved! 

 Word Prompt:Maze

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Published by

Lisa Ralph, Cries from an unkempt garden

I write to tell my story of how I overcame self affliction, and great despair in this life. For I write to share the death to self that took place. That I may Glorify God in all I do. May my writings be a refelction of freedom, for I am no longer in captivity of self. May they be warm, and inviting. For I write because God has given me words that drip from my mouth to be seen.

23 thoughts on “Bitter Sweet; Mother’s Day”

  1. This is absolutely beautiful. And so painful. So brave and strong to write such an emotive post. I don’t want to dwell on this, it is giving me a lump in my throat just imagining this horrendous pain, on both sides. It’s breaking my heart 😦 She is beautful like her mamma. Keep the faith that you may both be reuinited one day x

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      1. I don’t know what to say, I just pains me so much. I’m not one to be easily upset, but your post. It’s awful, my heart goes out to you. You are indeed a surviour, you give me perspective. Thank you. Happy mothers day, I hope you can enjoy it. Take comfort knowing that if she is anything like her mamma she will be a wonderful, talented and immensely strong person person!!

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    1. Everytime I read or look at the Minnie Mouse part, I feel tears rising. My 21 month old daughter is obsessed with Minnie and it makes me feel physically ill to think of life without her. Gosh, you are really getting me in the feels. You are unbelievebly strong.

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      1. She was 3, and had just broke her arm. She was sad, yet excited to have all the characters sign her cast. Apparently stronger than I even knew. I stray for my story as it is so gory, and painful. Apparently not good for a blog, but it is hard to write. You will soon learn about me trying to take my own life in my selfish despair. When I learned my husband had had numerous affairs, I was just gone. I checked out. He was my all, never looked another mans way. Taught me to hold him higher than God. Did you see you were nominated in my Mystery Blog Award Post?

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      2. Can’t even imagine your story, how hard it must be. I’m quickly learning about the pressures people face, how life can be unkind and prompt people to follow dark paths. It’s heart wrenching. I love the way you write, you are very good at conveying emotion. A little too good for me!
        No, I didn’t see the nomination? Should I have? I’m still figuring out WP, it’s been hard as I’ve not had as much time as I would like on here. Working and wrestling a toddler doesn’t leave much spare time. Especially when she wins the fight and I crawl into bed at 9pm 😀

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      3. I seen Mark Jacobs and that he had tagged you, great! I will go have a look. Sorry, I’v yet to catch up on todays (yesterdays, day before, so on) posts. I’m only managing to have a quick check at WP while at work, which I really shouldn’t. I thought the tag looked fun, thrilled I have one to do. Thanks 🙂

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      4. Ohhhh I see it! And I can see why your head hurt! You should get under the hood! I would love to learn to be a mechanic, it facinates me too. Great questions, I will give them thought…or will I? I think it might be best to answer them in the moment, mmm. Can’t wait to get started 🙂 It’s almost midnight and I still haven’t had any food since lunch, but now I want to start my answers 🙂

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      5. Right. I’m going to have to stop chatting to you. I must be hormonal or something coz you are killing me today! You are very sweet, thank you. I enjoy your comments, the effort you put in to each one. I hope you continue to share your story – I’ll try read it without turning into a melting ball of emotions.

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  2. Tears well up in my eyes to share a small piece of your pain. I believe God is going to work this out. It might take more time that you want. I’m praying for you and Brie Faith, that your reunion will some day be joyful. In the meantime, keep working on Lisa. 🙂

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    1. It has been a hard day, thank you! I know all of the truths God gave me. Just never thought 4 years would pass. I only want His will! Anything outside that never works out. It is not His doing. I can’t work in the flesh. I run the race with Him. I have cried a lot today. I miss the girl I do not know the same anymore. We have talked it just has never been good. A few times I thought it would be good, and it is short. Thank you for your always kind words❤ Happy Mother’s Day to you beautiful soul!

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      1. She gets angry I sent her a Valentines Day gift. Saw in her Twitter her dad per his usual her words ruined her day. She called cussing me out. Asking why I would do that. I said because I love her. I could not stay on the phone she was irrational. It is so multi-facteted. She is stuck with him by her choice. He is a p.k and an alcoholic who believes God told him he can drink. He does not work. She pays the rent, and all their bills. He has got her into some debt. She feels sorry for him. My son was just so fed up with the manipulation he got in the car without telling either of them and left from Florida to Washington. His dad had flown out to take care of things up here actually. He kept tight wraps on my son. He barely had a life so as soon as his dad was on the plane he left. They have not talked since. I have prayed for him (their dad) to be removed from the equation how ever God is to do it. My son feels so free now. He has a lot of work, and healing to do. The things they have endured in the past 4 years he said are worse then when I was there. He will not talk about it. He has seen things he said no one should see. Their dad needs spiritual healing. He is sick. He tells every one they are mentally ill. I believe he may be. I don’t say this out of spite. I say it out of knowledge and what I have seen since being removed. I can’t believe we lasted 18 years. It was only over because I had biblical reason to step out. My kids would not come with me to Washington. This is home all of our family is here. Their dad grew up here too. His dad is the pastor of a large church here. It is just a very tragic situation. My son was eating once a day upon arrival he was so emaciated. He slept on the floor of $1,500 apt. None of it makes sense. Now my daughter needs freed. Then their dad needs broken. We all need healing. He lives down there as an escape. He gets to be who ever he wants. Here every one knows who he is. Can’t live the lifestyle he lives there here. It will happen. I know it will come to pass. It is just a matter of time. My kids have always said he will die young the way he lives. So sad!! He was at one time my best friend. I don’t know him at all anymore. I pray for him that is all I know to do.

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      2. Thank you for sharing this, Lisa. Now, I have a glimpse about how hard this is. It sounds like your daughter is there to trying to take care of her father. Much healing needed for all. It’s going to take time, but God can do it, if they will let him. I’m so glad your son and you got out. My prayers continue. ❤

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  3. Aww Lisa, you are such a brave lady. My heart is breaking for you and I’m standing in faith that God will bring you back together and will replace all of the years that the locusts have stolen. Much love to you ❤️️
    Hayley 😊

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  4. I’m sending all the luck of the Irish I can muster over to you, hoping you find a way to reconnect with your daughter. I know it can be hard once both parties but up their defences, and it sounds like a rough situation all round. x

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