This chain hangs in reach of my heart, (I took it off only for this picture), this book I read every morning with my husband. The back of the cross has tiny embedded footprints. I chose to border my picture with that of a scuffy/dirty choice. For I am scruffy around the edges, but that cross makes for a new life.
Freaking hot was an understament as the jail doors fastened behind me. No shade tree or shade in sight, but that was not what this was about. It was the survival of the fittest. I had a mind set to sustain, through the pain.
Two days sober I was. My mind having a hay day with me, I may not have been the fittest; however I was intelligent. They say some of the most intelligent people lack common sense. Some might argue being that of an alcoholic, how could I be smart? I was resourceful, and when push came to shove I pushed. So it was time to put my hate for my life aside, and get my way out of this trench. No foxhole for me. Bravery had to take front row, and be my feets tow.
5 miles, Cramped Combat Boots, no money, phone, or water. It had to be 100 plus with humidity. It literally sucked! This was it, I had to put one foot in front of the other. Trying to make my way out of the spaghetti streets that lead to the main highway, it was a labyrinths way out. A compass could not make way with what my feet were into.
Dripping with sweat, my clothes were soaking wet. I am sure my pores were ripe with body odor, that would make anyone cringe. I did not care, I honestly was broken to humility. I was so feeble in my walk, just thinking don’t STOP! I could feel God’s presence, and knew he was with me in my every step. He was my crutch, for him I could clutch. He was my walking stick. I was not alone. My mind wrapped in crisp ideas for my escape from this citys deamenor. I had to get out before the city grew dim. I could not be a silhouette in a city with headlines of gory reads. I did not want to be a detail in someone’s next morning cup of coffee, and print.
Finally I tripped upon the road where I was told to turn right. When my eyes met the long asphalt laid before me, my mouth was bone dry. I could not spit if I tried. I was in desperate need of water.
I believe I was talking to myself. I was not unhinged, just pep talking myself through each step. “You can do this, you are strong, you can prove to him (Britt) that you are better than all of this!”.
It was heavily treed up the side of the highway not much in my sight. I did see a detour off to my right. Looking passed the thick of the trees lay an apartment complex. Something very familiar to me, as that was my experience of Orlando. Every one (us included) lived in Apartements. The wheel was turning now. With every complex was a leasing office. That is where I was going. I was not sure why, but my boots were making way.
Upon entrance I knew I was a fright, and there was nothing I could do to better myself. I saw the computer lab, and telephone. Like a hound dog piecing together the puzzle at the scene. I looked at the gal whom owned the desk in front of me (office manager). I spoke kind, yet candid. I was so emaciated, dehydrated, and teary eyed. I asked to drink from the drinking fountain, then asked if I could use the computer to google search my church, and then the phone to call. She allowed for all three.
The computer could not search fast enough, my fingers were not swift to dial, and they (my church) seemed to miss the urgent nature of my call. There was no one who could come help, my only hope was some how making my way back into Orlando. From there I was told arrangements would be in the making for a place for me to stay. Then we would go from there of what to do next. I was prayed with over the phone, for my next I did not know.
I thanked the gal, and walked out making my way back to the highway. I took advantage of the shade while I could. I was frustatred, and felt very flush. Thinking to myself how could no one come to help? This whole ordeal felt like a bad dream, would I soon scream waking myself in my own bed?
Nope this was my reality, walking in a strange town with my broke wallet and heart. Yes I was flustered, and angry too. For I could feel my cheeks rosey from the heat, but also in resentment of my condition.
“God I need you now…please mark my steps and lead me out of this unpleasantry.” That was my prayer, and I just kept on walking that highway. I was at a snails pace for the heat was daunting. I still kept walking…
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you.”
Never-ever during your trials and testing. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.”