The bars I was behind did not have drinks, I was forced sober. 

By nature over the past several years I had become riddled with anxiety. My life was filled with chaotic compromise in every area. Anxieties that held me in captivity much like my jail cell.

I was sobering up. I had no alcohol to feed the uneasiness, pain, cries, anger, confusion, and loneliness. Anxiety made its way through the multitude of emotions, and I was wrecked with fear. My whole being given over to darkness. I saw no light, hope, or sanity. I was losing all sense of self. My head felt as if it hung lower than it had ever hung before. Locked behind closed bars. I did not have the key. I did not even begin to lift my weary head. If anything, I believe I sank lower in my cell than I had ever been before. I just wanted to stop breathing, to put an end to the waives of treacherous thoughts stomping on my heart.

My heart was racing, and I was panicked. I could see no way out. I did not look to my God. I played the woe is me card better in my crisis, so I thought. Self consumed, self loathing, foolishness, and a total disregard for the fact that I had a life outside the imprisoned self/cell.

I was enraptured by self. I shut down for a time. Everything that was taking place felt as if I was not part in it. I watched the process of the guards, saw others get booked, and I believe had some social interactions even. I had no idea what my life was to become, or what would become of me. I was as lost as lost gets. Might as well have put my mugshot with last seen date on the side of a milk jug. For I saw no hope, and I had no desire to keep on going. I was forced sober, and how could I do life sober? There was no drink behind these bars, and all my scars were becoming transparent to my own eyes, and I desperately wanted my heart to fail.

God was there as I was exposed, I was naked in heart without a drink. I wanted to shut down. There was no on, and off switch anymore. I was forced sober!!! How could I do sober? I couldn’t not yet!

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If I could only have seen what was to become of me. His purpsose, and magnificient plan for my life. If I could only have seen me with His eyes! For there is no greater love known to man than that of our Lord!! That should have been no surprise to a gal like me…
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Author: Lisa O'Day, Cries from an unkempt garden

I write to tell my story of how I overcame self affliction, and great despair in this life. For I write to share the death to self that took place. That I may Glorify God in all I do. May my writings be a refelction of freedom, for I am no longer in captivity of self. May they be warm, and inviting. For I write because God has given me words that drip from my mouth to be seen.

7 thoughts on “The bars I was behind did not have drinks, I was forced sober. ”

  1. Trials and tribulations! While hard to go through, the Word tells us to look forward to them because God is working in your life… trying to teach us something. While this trial was very hard (I can’t imagine your struggles and emotions at the time) I am so excited for the person that came out of the other side! Thank you for sharing and witnessing to us Lisa! Look how far you have come!! Married and beginning a new life and relationship with your children!! God has blessed you and will continue to do so!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garrett,
      Thank you for your kind words. My life is not rare, it was just time to tell my story. Giving God all the Glory. I do not find my situation unique. As so many people struggle, and usually if we are given to the Lord our struggles are even more. I am reminded of Paul, Abraham, and Job. Men after God’s own heart who were given relentless tribulations so crushing in spirit. It is the overcoming, and persevering. You have been here all the while watching through social media God transform me. I appreciate that to. My life is tragically beautiful all in one. I am an emotional soul. Who wears her heart on her sleeve. I take in everyone around me’s emotions. That can be as good as it is bad. I wear a lot in day. I will always be a work in progress, but a sober one to say the least. I have been blessed with a second chance at life, broken out of the bondage of what was. That was not only alcohol. I think most have caught on to that as well. There is healing as now my son to has broken free, and just since January I have seen such growth in him. Now I am in wait for my daughter. She is held by this as her wounds are many, and she can’t see how to set her self free. I pray daily for her. So I write, and tell my story. If only for my own personal healing process, and if it touches one person. Grace is where I stand. For I have been there, and done that. Yet I know I don’t look hard, and beaten down. God gave me favor, and restored me…ashes to beauty. Thank you for taking time to read, and be blessed this day. For He is Risen!!🌈💐🌻🙏☝👑

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is the tribulations we pass on the path to His life, that provides the spiritual renewal we need to be born again from the mire in the world, allowing us to share our hearts to nourish others with hearts which humbled self and became treasured gems of His. Lisa, I have been there and felt the fire, and seen my death ahead of me, and yet I was given life, and more abundantly from the One whose love is my most perfect treasure, whom my heart will worship forever. I am one with you, and you are never alone again.

    ‘The Author of My Salvation

    You are the author of my salvation
    You are He whom I hold so dear
    You are the air I breathe each day
    And with your love my way is clear

    I lift you up Lord in praise each day
    With the gift of words, You have given me
    And each day I always pray for the chance
    I might help many others to be set free

    So they may come to know the riches
    Which dear Jesus comes from Your hands
    That they might come to know the salvation
    And begin each day to truly understand

    You are the way, the truth, and the Light
    The one all must glorify with sweet praise
    If they don’t want their spirits alone to know
    The sudden end that will come to their days.

    Wendell A. Brown
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I pray your Easter was wonderful, and I also know your spiritual renewal will bless many, as you have blessed me with your spiritual hugs and visits! Have a wonderful week ahead Lisa, my sister!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Wendall for taking time to comment. I love seeing all that God is doing in, and through other’s journeys. All I can say is as I have tasted the dark, I only desire the light. In its entirety. I am all in for Christ. I just wake better prepared for this world, with the full armor of God. The spiritual battle is great, thus me must be on on guard of hearts, and minds always.

      Fernando Ortega wrote it best,

      In the morning, when I rise
      In the morning, when I rise
      In the morning, when I rise
      Give me Jesus

      Give me Jesus
      Give me Jesus
      You can have all this world
      Just give me Jesus

      When I am alone
      When I am alone
      Oh, when I am alone
      Give me Jesus

      Give me Jesus
      Give me Jesus
      You can have all this world
      Just give me Jesus

      Jesus
      Give me Jesus

      When I come to die
      When I come to die
      Oh, when I come to die
      Give me Jesus

      Give me Jesus
      Give me Jesus
      You can have all this world
      Just give me Jesus

      Give me Jesus
      Give me Jesus
      You can have all this world
      You can have all this world
      You can have all this world
      Just give me Jesus

      Jesus
      This is all I want, and to be a living testiment in all I do for the blood Christ shed for me. Man will always fail or falter, but there is no greater love known to man than that of our Lord. So I will share my story to give God all the glory. For He saved a wretch like me! Have a blessed week as well, and thank you for taking time to write sweet words of encourgememt.
      Lisa

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jail freed you from the imprisonment, the chains that were keeping you from Him! In your previous bondage, His voice was drowned out and you could never be set free. Jail became your freedom, as such.

    Like

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